My Kid the Artist… or Not


We made pumpkins this morning. I cut out a bunch of shapes, and let Dash choose what he wanted to use.

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A few observations:

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Not only the intended shapes were included in the craft. A crazy-ass bit that was supposed to be a mouth and didn’t make the cut was in a pile of discards. Dash held it up and said, “Here’s the hair!” Um, okay kid, make your pumpkin an emo loser if that’s what you want.

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The other hairpiece is also a discarded mouth, but looks like a herman Munster/Frankenstein ‘do, so it seemed appropriate. When I suggested he add some bolts to make it even more like the character, he said, “No! That’s silly.” As an artist, he takes his craft very seriously.

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You may wonder, why are those would-be eyebrows a nose? Dash wants at least one hideous pig face. I’d like to think it’s an homage to the episode of the Twilight Zone, but I know better. What the hell, it’s a pumpkin, ugly it up, kid.

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The sad looking pumpkin was made by the same child who made the others. Why is this one so dejected when the others are all scary? “He’s sad because his green thing is over here.” Yeah, Dash’s reasoning is that he’s sad because he’s deformed. Way to embrace differences, sweetheart. Clearly, this mommy has a little work to do in teaching my kid not to think all people who have something about them that is “other” should be miserable as a result!

I’m not gonna lie, laughing at my kids arts and crafts is some of the draw for doing arts and crafts with them at this age. Yeah, yeah, they’re having good experiences and getting the sensory play and learning to express their creativity, and that’s nice too. Those things do occur to me when Im coming up with this stuff or checking things out on pinterest. However, I am not little miss crafty pants, so while I ooh and ahh over their accomplishments out loud, I am still too much of a sarcastic jerk to be able to turn off the inner art critic. I don’t tell them, and by the time they’re old enough to find this post and see it, hopefully they’ll get the humor, or I’ve failed as a parent. But I think this is a common thread amongst all parents. Or maybe I’m such a mean mom that I can’t even imagine someone not thinking about how ridiculous their kid’s crafts turned out. Eh, whichever.

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