How to be a Horrible Human for Halloween

This story on USA Today (and probably picked up all over) is about an evil bitch in North Dakota who is all set to shame and exclude children she decides are “moderately obese” when they come to the door tomorrow.

here’s the whole letter:


This woman is (poorly) disguising her venom as concern, but the reality is that she doesn’t know how healthy these kids are. There are plenty of kids who are going to plump up a bit and thin out naturally during the course of their childhood as they go through growth spurts. There are kids who are thin but badly malnourished and who probably need real, healthful food badly, who won’t benefit at all from that candy. There are heavy kids who are perfectly healthy, and for all she knows, their parents are going to make them eat only a few pieces of their haul and it’s going to last months. The point is, she isn’t these children’s doctor. She doesn’t know, nor is it her place to butt in about, their state of health.

This is just her chance to make a few kids feel terrible and excluded, and she thinks it’s perfectly okay to do that to them, because apparently she’s the boss of everyone and what their children are fed.  The only thing this will acconplish is to hurt people, and there is no way she could be so dense as to be oblivious to that simple fact. I’d go so far as to say that her true intention is to hurt feelings, because she would have taken a different route if it wasn’t.

If she felt true concern about children’s health and what they snack on, she could hand out boxes of raisins, or apples, or cranberries or whatever dried fruit she prefers. She could hand out toothbrushes or pennies, or stickers, or those lame little erasers that do an awful job of actually erasing anything, and that everyone throws away the next morning because they’re no longer relevant since the Halloween season is over. She could hand out crayons, or twisty straws, or pumpkin seeds. She could even include a note with her “treats” to declare that her alternatives to candy were given in the spirit of encouraging healthy habits for everyone, not just the heavier kids.

But the best choice of all? She could turn off her porch light and save people from having to deal with a terrible, horrible, real, live monster.


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